The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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