1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
