You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
