i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
