On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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