i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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