we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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