.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
