I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
