rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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