I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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