Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
