Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You took a bar mat shot.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
