In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
