He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
