i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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