Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
