the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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