I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
