your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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