I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
