I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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