I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
