You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
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We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
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Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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