Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
