I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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