Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
