i jhust puked up my retainher.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
