I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
