If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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