I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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