Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
