My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
