I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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