When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
