What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
