I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
