Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Randomize
