He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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