Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize