An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
