I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
