Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i already hear my dad disowning me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
