I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
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She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
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No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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