I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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