I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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