Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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