Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
