I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
