Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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