There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
