never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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