i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
