I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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