strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
