are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
