I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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