I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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