She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
