I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
