i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
