I love black thongs
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
