I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
