i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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