Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
