32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
