look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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