he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
