well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
