If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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