and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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